Icebergs and Our Behavior

From our experiences, we each form a perception – a self-image - about who we are, how we behave and how others see us.

But is that self-image accurate? Do others see us as we see ourselves or as we believe we come across to others? 

Simine Vazire, Ph.D., Washington University assistant professor of psychology in Arts & Sciences says,

"I think that it's important to really question this knee-jerk reaction that we are our own best experts," says Vazire. "Personality is not who you think you are, it's who you are. Some people think by definition that we are the experts on our personality because we get to write the story, but personality is not the story -- it's the reality. So, you do get to write your own story about how you think you are, and what you tell people about yourself, but there still is reality out there, and, guess what? Other people are going to see the reality, regardless of what story you believe."

[From her article: Others May Know Us Better Than We Know Ourselves,
published in ScienceDaily, Feb. 26, 2010]

It all begins with Getting To Know Yourself…and Others™ - (more on that below).

Think of an iceberg; we all know there is more to that iceberg than what we see on the surface of the water.

If you’re the iceberg, what’s seen on the surface is the observable you, the behaviors you display, the actions you take, the thoughts and ideas you express – these are all the above-the-water-line displays that tell the world who you are.

Where do the observable behaviors come from that give others clues to who we are and why we behave as we do?

Well, think of that mass of the iceberg under the surface that can’t be seen.

"The depth of a soul is not measured by what appears on the surface."

Others don’t SEE below the water line, but we’re all displaying above-the-water-line-behavior (“the depth of the soul”) that’s based on:

·   How and where we grew up

·    Genetic traits

·     The values that were instilled in us and that we developed early in life creating a core personality

·     Specific needs we have: emotional, spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, etc. that influence how we behave

·     Attitudes we’ve developed about people and things

·     Significant events that influenced us

Our below-the-water-line-needs shape our values and beliefs, how we think and feel and that translates into above-the-water-line-behavior. We’re each an iceberg, full of the unseen that influences what others observe.

Over time, we think we’ve come to know ourselves pretty thoroughly – how we’ll react, how we’ll interact with others.

But occasionally there’s a surprise – even a shock; we receive a message that someone views us differently than we see ourselves and that can cause questions for ourselves to surface – we’re not coming across as we intend to or our style is rubbing someone else the wrong way. What to do about it?

Learn more about our own behaviors displayed to the world. As the saying goes:

He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise.
Lao Tse

Basics of human behavior and the styles we’ll be looking at tomorrow are all part of a program - self study AND one-one-coaching - that is based on what we’ve taught in leadership development classes:

Getting to Know Yourself…and Others™ - A Self-Study Program in Building Stronger Relationships - it's a four part learning experience  that will lead you to:

1.     Discover your own preferred behaviors

2.     Learn to recognize other peoples’ predominant behavior style

3.     Adapt your behaviors to strengthen your relationships
   (The Platinum Rule©)

4.     Focus on the specific People Skills and Personal Strengths that you want to develop for real effectiveness

Check it out here

Tomorrow: DiSC© Behavioral Styles and Why They Matter